I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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