mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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