What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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