R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
