I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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