i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
