it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
