I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
