I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
