Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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