I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
