I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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