remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
