i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
this hospital has no fireball
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
