The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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