He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
