u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
