OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
