Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
