but the lizard people decide everything anyway
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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