im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
BRING THE BAGELS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
