i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Your dad touched me again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
