I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
