i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
