Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
