I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
