i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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