how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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