You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
