This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
