I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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