I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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