never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
