South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
