I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
