did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
