I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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