I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
