I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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