I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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