Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
