Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
