so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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