Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
