its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
