I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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