I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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