I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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