Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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