The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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