Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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