I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
