Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got chris browned last night
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.