I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
