you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.