I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.