God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ttyl tear gas
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
