Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i came on her dog
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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