Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
