he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
