Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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