The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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