Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
