I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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