I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
