It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
